As with anything in life, you can plan all you want, but sometimes things still don’t go according to plan. And that is definitely true for my first birth. I hope that by sharing this story with you, it gives you peace of mind that even if your birth doesn’t go according to plan, what matters most is a healthy and happy mother and baby. I hope each of my birth stories help you prepare for your own birth and I pray that you take away something that helps you feel confident and excited for the adventure that awaits.

My First Pregnancy

Our first baby was a little girl and she was, and still is, perfect in every way. She was in fact a “pandemic baby,” and because of that, I knew I didn’t want my first birth to take place in a hospital. But, as the title gives away, things didn’t go as planned, but we will get to that. With the uncertainty of the time and the concern that hospitals may not allow my husband in for prenatal appointments or a number of silly requirements they had during the pandemic, I began looking into alternative options.

Initially, I thought a hospital-based midwife would be a good option, because I could have an unmedicated birth with the comfort of knowing that if anything went wrong, I was already at the hospital. I met with one midwife group at a local hospital and we decided to proceed with them, despite not having looked into any other midwife options in the area. (I had no idea what to look for in a provider or what questions to ask, and that is exactly why I wrote my two posts, How to Choose the Best Provider for You, and Finding the Perfect Midwife and How to Interview Them).

During my second trimester, I read Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth and it was eye-opening. After finishing it, I realized I didn’t want to be in a hospital setting after all. By God’s providence, I started doing more research into traditional midwife options around me, at the same time that we were in the process of moving. This gave me the perfect excuse to swap providers without burning any bridges. I didn’t have any issues with the midwives that I initially hired, I just had a change of heart regarding the hospital setting.

Fortunately, it was easy for us to switch despite being close to my third trimester, and I decided to go with a birth and wellness collective in our new area. I talked to one of the owners on the phone before switching, read quite a few reviews online, and overall it seemed like a great pick for us. Plu,s they took my health insurance, which is something that’s not super common among midwives.

I would say my overall experience with this collective was fine. They had a nice atmosphere and beautiful birthing suites, and I really didn’t have anything to complain about leading up to the birth. We even did our child birth education class with them – also something I wish I had researched more when I was a first-time mom. It wasn’t until my labor experience that I realized they may not have been the best fit for me after all.

The Birth

Over the course of my pregnancy, I was extremely blessed to have a very easy and smooth pregnancy. All of my bloodwork and tests came back great, and the only minor concern was a low blood platelet count, something that I am thankful never became an actual issue. Like most first-time pregnancies, my baby girl did not make her appearance until 10 days past her due date. And just so you know, first-time moms go 8 days past their due date on average, especially if they are not pressured into an induction or c-section.

Early Labor

At 41 weeks and 1 day, I took an hour and a half long walk and I am pretty sure that is what triggered the beginning of my story. That evening after my long walk, I finally felt some very minor contractions. Luckily, I was able to sleep easily throughout the night. And on Saturday, I told the midwife on call that my contractions had started but my water had not broken. They told me to take it easy, and try my best to rest, and to let them know if anything changed.

So, I spent the majority of the day just relaxing on the couch (something I wouldn’t do now, even if I could), watching various shows to distract myself, and occasionally doing a few rounds of the Miles Circuit (A common movement circuit that can help get labor started, move into active labor and avoid back labor). The contractions were bearable but didn’t have any consistent timing. We even went over to my in-laws’ home for dinner that evening and I was able to eat and talk without much trouble.

It wasn’t until around 9 PM that evening that things finally started to pick up. I had been laying in bed, watching a movie with the contractions getting a bit closer together and more intense. And it was at the point where I couldn’t really focus on what I was watching. But what really threw me for a loop, was that I stared to shake uncontrollably. During the childbirth class, I learned that it is not uncommon for women to feel shaky during transition. But, I wasn’t in transition, and yet I was indeed shaking uncontrollably. And I think that was the beginning of my mental downfall.

Labor is physically draining, but it is such a mental battle too. And I do think that if we had hired a doula, and I had someone there with us that could tell me that the shaking was normal, and could have kept me from getting caught up in my head, maybe things would have turned out differently.

Active Labor

We went to the birth center, which was about 20 minutes from us. Let me tell you: active labor in the car is not fun – and by 10:30 PM, we were settled there with the on-call midwife and two birth assistants. For me, time went by pretty quick, I tried laboring in the tub, on a yoga ball and tried to do my best to remember what I had learned in my birthing class. The most common and only thing I remembered from the birthing class was them saying to “imagine you are opening up like a flower,” but that was a lot easier said than done for me.

Throughout the night, the midwife checked our baby girl’s heartbeat and at some point the fluctuations in her heart rate became a concern. By about 2:00 AM, I was getting shaky again, my water still had not broken, and honestly, I wasn’t handling the contractions well. They kept telling me that I needed to channel my breath downward but I had no idea what that meant or how to do that. Another thing that I felt like was glossed over in my birthing class. It’s also one of those things that is hard to understand how to do until you have to do it. By my third baby, I finally understood what they had been talking about with my first.

Eventually, the midwife told me that she thought they may need to transfer me to the hospital, but it was completely up to me. It wasn’t an emergency transfer, but more a cautionary one. And to be honest, it felt like a failure on my part, because I knew it had to do with my lack of preparation prior to birth. Out of an abundance of caution, I agreed and my husband drove me to the hospital just two minutes down the road.

To the Hospital

Another car ride deep in active labor, and this time it was even worse. All I really remember at that point, was that the shaking had returned and I was honestly just confused on what was happening. I felt like my story was not going like any of the very few birth videos or stories I had seen or read. Despite wanting to have a natural birth, I did agree to the epidural, and looking back on it, if I had known how close I was, I would have done my best to power through. But I also don’t know if I could have, given the state I was in. I was apparently between 8 and 9 centimeters and extremely close to transition when they finally came in to administer the epidural.

I had heard quite a few horror stories about the side effects of epidurals, like terrible chronic headaches or migraines, and even nerve and spinal damage. So I was really nervous when they came to administer it, but I also know in the moment I felt like I couldn’t do it without it. Right before they placed the epidural, the contractions were extremely strong and I was struggling to not tighten up. And I remember in the instant that they were placing the epidural, I prayed to God to not let me move because I was so worried that if I moved a millimeter there would be some type of damage.

But God heard my prayers, and in the moment that they placed it, I didn’t have a contraction and I didn’t even flinch, it was as if I turned to stone in that very moment. Once the epidural was placed, it was honestly smooth sailing. And I see why so many women choose to use an epidural from the get go. I had no idea I was having a contraction and it wasn’t until the doctor showed up and told me it was time to push that I knew anything had changed.

Her Arrival

At 5:20 AM, after just a few minutes of pushing – which I didn’t even feel – my husband got to catch our baby girl, something we weren’t sure he would be able to do after being transferred to the hospital. Compared to some of the stories I had heard about hospital births during the pandemic years, this one was a pretty pleasant experience. They respected my choice for delayed cord clamping – although I am sure they could have waited at least a little bit longer than they did – and all of the nurses and the doctor himself were very kind. Our little girl was born 8 lb 4 oz and 21.1 inches long.

After a short while, we were moved to a room for recovery and were required to stay there for 48 hours. And because of the pandemic era, we weren’t allowed to have any visitors at the hospital. In comparison, we could have been home and in our bed after 4 hours if the birthing center had worked out. Immediately following birth, I felt pretty good; I didn’t have any adverse reactions to anything, and both our little girl and I were doing well. They did her first bath (something I know we should have waited on), and the nurses came in to check on us what felt like every hour, but may have been every few hours. And yes, that means throughout the night too. Luckily, while typically the mandatory period to stay at the hospital is 48 hours, we were able to check ourselves out after just 24 hours.

Was I Disappointed?

To be completely honest, yes. I was disappointed that my first birth experience didn’t go according to plan. But, I was and still am thankful that both my daughter and I are perfectly happy and healthy. I can look back on that experience and, while I don’t know for certain, I definitely feel like I see why my story ended up the way it did. And while some people might say I shouldn’t blame myself, I do, but I also don’t beat myself up over it.

What Could I Have Done Differently?

Coming up soon, I will be sharing all the things I would do differently if I had the information I have now when I was pregnant with my daughter. But for now, I am going to share what I know I could have done differently to potentially have a different outcome for my first birth experience.

Alternative Birth Prep

When I say alternative birth prep, I’m talking about my childbirth education class. I still have the workbook from the class, and while it was helpful in telling you about the typical protocols in hospitals and why you may or may not want to refuse certain things, I don’t feel like it adequately prepared me for my first birth.

I remember watching one or two birth videos but honestly, it made me uncomfortable watching those at the time – doesn’t bother me now after having three of my own. I feel like it just didn’t prepare me for every aspect of labor, or I did a bad job of listening. But I remember being pretty attentive during those classes, so I am not sure that was the case.

All-in-all, I wish I had either taken an additional birth prep class, or that I had spent more time listening to or reading birth stories. During my third pregnancy, especially as I got into the third trimester, I was listening to birth podcasts almost daily on my walks. And I truly believe it helped prepare me for my home birth in ways I hadn’t with my first. If you are pregnant, I am sure you have heard a lot of people suggest listening, watching, or reading other people’s birth experiences, and I am going to agree and say: just do it because you will thank yourself later.

Hire a Doula

A lot of midwives highly recommend or even require that you have a doula present for your first birth. The group we worked with did not require it, and my husband and I thought we would be fine without one. This is another thing where a lot of people tell you to do it, and it may seem silly, but I would also err on the side of going ahead and hiring a doula. The main reason I was transferred to the hospital was because my baby’s heart rate was fluctuating more than the midwife was comfortable with, and like I said above, I wasn’t handing the contractions well.

Given that this was a brand new experience as a first-time mom, I think having a doula present may have helped me focus more and have a better understanding of how to breathe my baby out. Because despite having prepared with the childbirth class, nothing really prepares you for it, and I honestly forgot everything they told me once I was actually in labor. I truly feel that having someone to coach me in the moment would have made a big difference for me.

Why Am I Sharing My Story?

Your first pregnancy and birth are filled with excitement and nerves, and I know for me personally, there was a lot of information I didn’t know until after I had my first experience with it all. And I would do a lot of things differently if I could go back. But, we gain wisdom through these experiences, and I hope that by sharing my story with you, you will be equipped to make the best possible choices for you, in ways that I was not able to. And that is why I have my other posts, How to Choose the Best Provider for You, Finding the Perfect Midwife and How to Interview Them, and 6 Reasons You Should Consider a Home Birth, so that you have all of the information at your finger tips from the moment you get that positive pregnancy test.

If you have any questions or comments, feel free to drop them below or shoot me a message. I would love to hear from you!